


Tinfoil Hat Man

by Fangirl_on_fire



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Fluff, Government Conspiracy, Humor, Lance (Voltron) is So Done, M/M, Meet-Cute, Tinfoil hats, lance is confused
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 16:50:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14877626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirl_on_fire/pseuds/Fangirl_on_fire
Summary: Standing on the balcony opposite Lance's balcony was the hottest person he had ever seen.Wearing a tinfoil hat.Somehow Lance always got the weirdest neighbors.





	Tinfoil Hat Man

Standing on the balcony opposite Lance's balcony was the hottest person he had ever seen.

Wearing a tinfoil hat.

The first thought that came to Lance's mind was: _Wow. He's hot._ The second thought was: _What the hell?!_

"What are you doing?" Lance called out, putting his watering can down beside the flower pots.

The person in question looked up and scowled. "You're being controlled."

"What?" Lance had never been more confused. "What's with the hat?"

"The government is controlling us, and I'm blocking the signal," he hissed, the hat shifting sideways on his head.

Lance gaped at him. "Are you joking? You know that's not real, right?"

The guy gave him a cynical look. "That's what the government wants you to believe."

"What possible evidence is there for that?" Lance accused, gripping the balcony rail and leaning over so he could hear him better.

"I bet you believe in aliens," the guy said instead, his tone mocking.

"Of course I do."

"What possible evidence is there for that?" The guy echoed, pushing the tinfoil hat upright.

Lance narrowed his eyes. Who was this new guy, prancing around in a tinfoil hat, trying to tell him that aliens didn’t exist? And he has a mullet!  "Listen, mullet. What was your name, again?"

'"I never said."

"Well, do you wanna say now?"

"Keith," he said, crossing his arms.

"Listen, Keith. The universe is huge. It is massive and constantly expanding, and there are trillions of stars and planets. Anyone that tries to convince me that there isn't life out there must be insane." Lance was now using animated gestures, and he stepped back, careful not to fall off the edge. “What kind of narcissistic shit is that? Thinking that humans are the only thing that’s allowed to exist in the universe!”

"Still." Keith was adamant, and he was pouting. Adorably, Lance grudgingly admitted to himself. "There's no evidence."

Lance groaned. "Aliens do exist!"

"No, they don't," Keith said, matter of fact. Lance made an irritated noise.

"I'm not arguing about this, since you clearly can't see the truth. Enjoy your tinfoil hat." Lance huffed and stomped back inside. Then, he remembered that he still had to water his flowers, so he went back outside and picked up the watering can. Keith was still there, but now he was sitting on the balcony floor, staring at the city. "Are you alright?"

Keith glanced at him but ignored the question.

Lance frowned. “I’m just trying to be nice here. Our balconies are across each other, so it wouldn’t hurt to actually get some conversation once in a while, right?”

His apartment building was positioned directly across another identical building with a thin road between them, and both the buildings’ balconies faced the road. His balcony happened to be across this weird, tinfoil hat man’s balcony. Keith, he reminded himself. Though Lance’s balcony was full of flowers and, for some reason, birdcages, Keith’s balcony didn’t have any decoration except for a pink scooter lying haphazardly on the ground. Which was also questionable.

“Are you going to ignore me?” Lance complained, putting down the watering can again. “I’m bored."

“I hear that normal people have these things called friends? You should go find yours and leave me alone.”

Lance laughed in spite of himself. “Are you calling yourself normal?"

Keith shrugged. “No.” His hat had fallen off his head, so he picked it up but didn’t put it back on. He gazed over the view, still ignoring Lance. The view wasn’t much to look at; dark, gray clouds obscured the afternoon sky. In fact, Lance realized that he wouldn’t have to water his plants after all if it was going to rain.

He looked back at Keith. “I think it’s going to rain. Are you going to stay out here, or…?” He trailed off, giving Keith a questioning look.

“The rain doesn’t bother me.” Keith’s answer was short, and his mood seemed to have suddenly changed for the negative.

“Wow, okay, Mr. Edge Lord. I love the rain, but I’m not going to stand out here like a brooding Batman. I have to go to class tomorrow anyway, and my friends will kill me if I don’t show up.” Lance waited for a reaction, but Keith still didn’t reply. He groaned. “So you’re still ignoring me?”

“What do you want me to say?” Keith looked over at Lance, and the question sounded surprisingly genuine.

Lance shrugged. “I don’t know. Feel free to ask for sugar or something.” Then, something occurred to him. He grinned. “Or I could ask you. Want any sugar, neighbor?” His tone was flirty, but Keith seemed to be oblivious to the innuendo.

“Not really,” Keith replied, looking mildly confused. “And I already told you my name’s Keith.”

“Sure, mullet,” Lance said, peering over the railing to see the cars racing past below.

“Don’t call me that!” Keith frowned, crossing his arms like an angry toddler. After a moment of thought, he pulled his hat back on. “Now if you don’t mind, I’ll get back to my business.”

“What are you trying to do?” Lance exclaimed, exasperated. Keith didn’t reply. “Fine. I’ll go inside then.”

The rain poured down.

-

Heaving his bag over his shoulder, Lance unlocked his door and went in, dropping the bag on the tattered sofa and sitting down. Then, he got up again to check the kitchen for any food. As always, there was no food, so he dug some coins out of the drawer and grabbed his keys, leaving the house again. With the money it took to rent this place, he barely had anything left to buy food at all. It had been easier when Hunk had been his roommate as they split the bill, but Hunk moved out so he could live with his girlfriend Shay and Lance didn’t have the heart to ask him to stay.

The supermarket on the corner was only a few minutes away, and within five minutes he was in the supermarket. He carefully avoided the sugars aisle, not wanting to spend all his money on a lapse of judgement, and looked around for the aisle with the ramen. When he found it, he grabbed a few packets and counted the coins again. He had enough money for something else, and he looked longingly towards the chocolates. But he stopped himself. Chocolate wasn’t healthy anyway.

As he was about to go to the checkout, he saw someone familiar. “Tinfoil hat man?”

“It’s Keith!” Keith scowled at him, unenthusiastic. He was even hotter up close. “Not tinfoil hat man.”

“What are you doing here?” Lance asked.

Keith raised an eyebrow. “Buying my food. Like normal humans.” He held up his own packets of ramen to show Lance. “You too?”

“I’m a starving college student. I figured it was best to go for the ultimate cliché,” Lance said with a shrug.

“What major?” Keith questioned, glancing at the aisle beside them where a small child was pulling jars of ketchup off the shelves. The lady, presumably the child’s mother, stormed up to the child and grabbed his arm, pulling him away from the ketchup. Keith’s eyes snapped back to Lance.

“Photography.” Lance watched for Keith’s reaction. Normally, the people he told assumed that he chose photography because he was too dumb to choose something like math or science.

“That’s cool,” Keith said. “I’m in science. Astrophysics.”

Lance couldn’t hide his surprise. “Wow, that’s awesome! That definitely isn’t what I’d assume you to be into.”

Keith huffed and crossed his arms. “Is this about the tinfoil again? Because everyone believes in at least one conspiracy theory. Mine happens to be truer than most.”

“True is debatable,” Lance said, “but I do believe that Avril Lavigne was replaced by a clone, so there’s that.”

Keith blinked. “I’m not even going to get into how ridiculous that is.”

Lance rolled his eyes. “Says the person who prances around their balcony wearing a tinfoil hat.”

Keith gave an exasperated sigh. “It was one time!”

“One time is all it takes to scare off a potential admirer, buddy,” Lance said. Then, he winced. “Oh, God. I have no idea why I said that. That was the cringiest thing I’ve ever said in my life ever.”

Keith laughed, and Lance almost died right there on the spot. “I have to agree with you there.”

“Haha,” Lance smiled awkwardly, still embarrassed. Then, he winced. “I can’t believe I said haha out loud.”

Keith grimaced in sympathy. “Too much socializing for one day?”

“Yes!” Lance leapt on the excuse gratefully, hoping Keith didn’t notice how flustered he was. He gestured towards the checkout lines. “Should we pay? You’re not getting anything else, right?”

“Yeah,” Keith said, motioning for Lance to get in line ahead of him. Lance paid for his ramen and waited while Keith paid for his. Then, they started walking in the direction of their buildings.

As they were about to go their separate ways, Lance made a decision.

“Keith?”

Keith stopped walking and looked at him. “Yeah?”

Lance took a deep breath. “Do you want to go out sometime?”

A smile was playing at the corners of Keith’s lips. “I don’t know… after all, I am crazy, according to you.”

Lance grinned. “I’m crazy too. That’s pemdas, it cancels out.”

Keith sighed. “That’s so wrong, I don’t know where to begin.”

“What about it, mullet?”

Keith crossed his arms. “Do you have to call me that?”

“It’s either mullet or tinfoil hat man.”

Keith rolled his eyes but he was smiling so Lance figured he hadn’t scared Keith off completely. “Alright, then. Are you free on Saturday?”

Lance couldn’t stop himself from smiling too. “Saturday it is.”

Keith motioned towards Lance’s pockets. “Give me your phone, I’ll enter my number.”

Lance gasped in mock surprise. “Oh, so you’re assuming I want your number?”

Keith gave him a dry look. “You just asked me out. I think it’s pretty obvious.”

“That is true,” he agreed, holding his phone out to Keith. Keith took the phone and entered his number, saving his name under Keith. Lance changed the contact to _Tinfoil hat man._

Lance was about to walk away when Keith stopped him.

“You never told me your name,” Keith pointed out.

Lance mentally facepalmed. “It’s Lance.”

“That’s a nice name,” Keith said, winking at him. “See you, Lance.”

As Keith walked away, Lance stared after him, a dazed smile on his face.

He couldn’t wait until Saturday.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why but I can imagine Keith as a conspiracy theorist, which is pretty much the only reason I wrote this fic... Thanks for reading! :)


End file.
